i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
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