did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I enjoy the company of your penis
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