So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Randomize
