so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
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