We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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