it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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