Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Randomize
