remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
we made out on top of his cat.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Randomize
