Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
