Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
