While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
