I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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