Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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