well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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