She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Randomize
