Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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