Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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