Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
