So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Randomize
