I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
