Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
