the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
