I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
