This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
