well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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