shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
After last night, I could never be a politician.
ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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