You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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