It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
