so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
