I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
