I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
So he handed us the weed then asked us if we needed any papers. And she goes "i dont know what that means, do we need to sign something?"
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.