Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
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Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..