dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.