I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
