I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
