There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
