Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
