i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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