Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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