Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
