remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
