I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
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