why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Randomize
