I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
