I wish I only lived at night.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
