Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
