My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
