he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
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