What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
