First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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