nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Well, both are illegal but one involves my vagina a whole lot less.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
