I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize
