I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
