I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
