I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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