well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
