I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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