I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
