we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
