I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
