Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
