There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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