JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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