$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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